Saranghae

written by Luzi & Micky

Loving him is never easy. It never is. Not when I could only fake a smile and pretend not to care how he answers when the host asks “what is your ideal type of girl?” Loving him is never easy not when it was my turn to answer the same question, not when I have to lie openly and hope my answer won’t hurt him as much as his has hurt me “i like girls with beautiful fingers” that’s what I told them, even though my hand  wanted to protest and cover his fingers with mine. Yunho-yah, forgive me?

You know you’re my ideal type. I’m sorry for answering the question without telling them the truth. I know it will hurt you and it hurts me, too. I’ve heard your answer many times but still it hurts me. I want you to hold my hand instead and never let me go. And if you’re wondering… Yes, I forgive you.

Loving him is never easy not when I know just how many female celebrities were hunting him down, trying to lure him to father their unborn children. I want to turn around and hiss out; “leave my man alone!” but I fake another smile and turn my face the opposite way hoping, praying that he would still be looking at me even when I had my back turned towards him.

….. how many more smiles must I fake?

You know how I don’t like female celebrities or anyone near me except you. I want you to tell them proudly “leave my man alone! He’s only mine!” Even you turn your back on me, I will only look at you. And please, no more fake smiles.

Loving him is never easy not when I know just how much he wants children of his own and realizing that is the one thing which I could never give him, no matter how much I love him. And it’s even harder when I know I could never let him go despite my shortcomings. I’ve tied him to me instead, tighter, closer. Yunho-yah, forgive me again? I’m selfish, I know. But I refuse to be selfless when it comes to you.

You know I want children and we both know we can’t have them. I don’t care if you can’t give me one. I still love you and I will never let you go and no one can change that. We can always adopt. I want you to be the father of our future adopted children. Please, be selfish. Be selfish as you can, I beg you. You have the right to be selfless when it comes to me. Please, never let me go.

Loving him is never easy not when doubts besiege me on daily basis not when i continually search for the invisible signs of him wanting to leave me not when i hurt him with my baseless fears. so yes, loving him is never easy. It never is.

… but then, i guess him loving me is not easy either. Yunho ya, thank you for still being here. Saranghae.

You know I will never leave you. I love you too much. Believe me and let my love for you wash away your fears. Us being together is not easy. It never is.

… It hurts me like bullets. And I know it’s the same for you. Jaejoong-ah, thank you for still being here. Saranghae.